Bruce Matley, August 7, 1948-December 23, 2018. Goodnight, sweet prince.
For the first time since I started this blog (this is #197), I missed the weekly posting not once, but twice. You might assume that I took a break for the holidays. Not so. I took a break to take care of Bruce.
Final Illness
Bruce Matley, my husband, the love of my life, duo partner, first reader and a really swell guy besides, passed away shortly before midnight, December 23. We’d learned on December 11 that he had Stage IV pancreas cancer, of such severity and with so many other organs affected that our only option was home hospice.
This news was not entirely a surprise. A CT scan on November 27 had revealed that something was terribly wrong with his pancreas and liver. A biopsy on December 5 confirmed this. Other news, that his GI system wasn’t working at all, arrived on Friday, December 14. Determined to make the best of what we’d been given, we decided to head home.
December 17 through 23 Bruce was home with me and our 4- legged kids. Hospice came through like champs, teaching me how to control his pain, keep him comfortable, and ease my fears any hour of the day or night. He was rarely without a cat on his hospital bed. The dog worked so hard taking care of Bruce he developed bags under his eyes.
Bruce’s Beginnings
Bruce, July 15, 1950, age 22 months 1 week.
Bruce was born in Reno, NV, August 7, 1948. He was the first child of his parents, Wayne Matley and Alouise Hebert. His earliest years were spent on the Matley Ranch, where his grandmother and three of his uncles and their families also lived, each in their own house up and down the lane. The ranch was eventually taken by eminent domain and is now underneath Reno-Tahoe International Airport. This seizure sent each household off in an independent direction; the loss of the ranch was Bruce’s lifelong sorrow thereafter. In 2010, his song “The Ranch that I Can’t See” (on our CD Westerners) speaks to that sorrow. I’m thankful that we still have his voice.
Always professionals, The Daybreakers had business cards!
Music was always a part of Bruce’s life. His proud papa taught him to sing at an early age and he never stopped. Sorting out the things on his desk I discovered a business card from one of his teenage bands, The Daybreakers. Their motto: The Best in Surf Music. His other artistic pursuit, acting, began when he was 11 or 12. Bruce secured the title role in The Boy from the Green Planet at a theatre his dad was affiliated with. With younger brother Ken, he borrowed their dad’s 8 mm camera and made movies. In one sample that has been preserved, Ken is the stalwart and handsome leading man; Bruce directs and plays all the character parts. He was especially proud of figuring out how to make himself, in the role of the sinister magician, disappear into thin air.
Bruce as an Adult- -Part I
Bruce earned considerable academic credentials, with a BA, Masters and PhD in theatre. For many years he worked as a professional actor and often reminisced about his two seasons at Great Lakes Shakespeare Festival. He also worked as a theatre professor and director, eventually becoming department chair at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, WA.
With beloved Malamute pup, the original “McGee,” on the Seattle-Bainbridge ferry, 1980s. Photo courtesy of sister-in-law Susan J. P. Matley.
At 40, Bruce decided on a change of career. He returned to school and earned another advanced degree. I won’t say in what, as the profession it qualified him for was one for which he developed an extreme distaste. He moved back to his home state of Nevada and pursued this new path for several years while, at the same time, growing and selling dairy-grade alfalfa. Eventually he quit the new trade and returned to music.
Bruce as an Adult- -Part II
The Nevada Slim Trio, December 1999. With Bill “Fiddlebone” Ham. Photo by Michael Kinder.
In the late 1990s Bruce moved back to the Pacific Northwest and settled in Port Townsend, WA. He formed a western music trio but lost the lady bass player early on and recruited me to replace her. Our first performance together, with the delightful Bill “Fiddlebone” Ham on (you guessed it) fiddle, was December 16, 1999 at a sadly gone venue, The Upstage. Eventually Bruce and I became a duo, then spouses. For more than a decade we performed under the name Nevada Slim & Cimarron Sue, racking up over 1,800 performances at fairs, festivals and private events throughout the western states.
Bruce as an Adult- -Part III
Nevada Slim & Cimarron Sue hi-jinks, 2009. Photo by “Red Ridin'” Robin Dale.
January 1, 2015, is the official date of our retirement from music. We were weary of being away from home so much, four or five months a year, and Bruce had the extra duty of driving and maintaining our tour bus (first a 1965 MCI, then a beautifully converted Prevost). The last two years we traveled in a nicely appointed Sprinter van. It was marvelous to drive but a difficult living space for two people who had to shower and look presentable for work for several days at a stretch on a 20-gallon fresh water tank. Our cowboy hats alone took up about 10% of the Sprinter’s interior cubic space! All three of our travel rigs eventually ended up with happy new owners, as did the small John Deere Tractor on our former 2-acre home in Prescott, WA, 17 miles north of Walla Walla.
Last May we moved in to Walla Walla. It took us two years to find the right house at the right price. The four cats and the dog are happy with the large back yard. We built fences, replaced garage doors, had a gas fireplace installed. Almost as soon as we felt settled in for the winter, Bruce developed excruciating pains in his abdomen and . . .
But aside from that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
As a couple, Bruce and I were happiest at home, with our 4-legged kids. We were private by nature, him especially, and I hope this blog, if he can read it from the Great Beyond, reveals only the things he’d like you to know. He faced his fate bravely and with humor, visited with both of his brothers, his sister-in-law, and many local friends, and still had the oomph to return my kiss a few hours before he died. So many kisses that last few weeks, so many professions of love. His leaving is a rotten turn of events, but since the very first hint of bad news, once shock after shock cleared, we’d look at each other and resolve to make the best of it. The best was to be together, and be home. The hospice folk, bless their skillful and compassionate hearts, made it possible.
Branding late calves at the Flying Diamond J Ranch, Doyle, CA. With cousin Corinne Matley. We spent two months with Corinne and John “Skip” Matley on their ranch, summer, 2012. It was one of the happiest times of our lives.
I’m amazed and humbled at all the beautiful emails, phone calls, social media tributes and condolences that have appeared these past few days. I know Bruce would feel the same. Especially dear to me is the respect people have expressed for his talent, hard work and giving nature. If you’d like to do something in remembrance of Bruce, go out of your way to be kind, especially to animals (I once saw him rescue a caterpillar) and to people in need. If you’re feeling flush, send a donation in his memory to your local animal shelter, homeless shelter or hospice organization. Mentor those who seek what you know. Return your sweetheart’s kiss. I plan to host three memorial events in his honor, in Walla Walla and Port Townsend, WA, and in Reno, NV, though it’s a bit early for me to consider details and logistics.
Bruce was predeceased by his parents, his brother Douglas Matley and his sister Tamara Matley Carr. He is survived by me; our kids Doc Holliday, Grizelda, Friday, Piebald and Hoosegow; his brothers Ken Matley (Christopher) and Randy Matley (Susan); many dear friends who are like family and family who are friends. His biggest worry about dying was for other people- -his family, friends, our pets, and especially me. I believe he’s still here in spirit, watching over us and making sure we’re all okay, just like he always did.
In addition to his role as husband, first reader, duo partner and all the rest, Bruce gave me something amazing that I hadn’t recognized until recent events made me more introspective. Bruce lured me away from accounting to once again work as a performer. Then, when we retired from music, he gave me the space and support to be a writer. No one was more proud of my successes (well, he and Mom probably tie), no one more heartening when discouragement set in. He gave me the gift of becoming who I am supposed to be.
I saw something else, too. While he was in the hospital I watched him sleeping after a hard day of no food and an unsuccessful medical procedure and realized I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MAN. The biases of being a wife had slipped away; all I could see was Bruce as an individual. A beautiful and unique individual, perfect in many ways, flawed in others, but taken as a whole, perfect in himself. Bruce was Bruce. That was enough.
Bruce, in the 1980s.
Susan, Thank you for your tender and heartfelt sharing of your last months with Bruce. I can’t imagine your pain and loss…but for certain, he knew he was loved, and you have to know you will always be. I’m sorry.
Thank you, Juni.
Susan, I was so sorry to read this news. This tribute is wonderful and gives one who didn’t know Bruce in person a real sense of the man he was.
And I am touched that you reached out to wish me Happy Birthday two days ago while your loss was so recent.
Pancreatic cancer is so awful because it doesn’t let its victims know it is there until it is at its late and very painful stage. Then the end comes so fast.
Linnea, it was a wild ride between Dec 11 and 23. In the end, I’m glad Bruce was at home and that we had several days together. The hospice folks have my eternal gratitude and highest praise.
Birthdays, I believe, deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated even when hard times are present. We can’t spread too much light, right? Wishing you many happy returns.
Your words sculpted Bruce well and I now feel as If I’d met him. I am so sorry about his passing and your broken heart.
Thank you, Pam. It’s not easy, but I have so many good memories to fall back on it’s impossible not to smile. And of course he’s everywhere that I am, just in a different form. Love to you, your family, and Happy 2019.
Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your writing about Bruce is an extraordinary tribute to him. It is also a look into your soul and spirit which is equally extraordinary.
Much love to you and your 4-leggeds,
Ann
Thank you, Ann. There’s much solace in writing, also in the company of the 4-leggeds. Happy 2019 to you.
How you managed to write this I don’t know, but your words do more than pay tribute, they express the love and deep respect, the unconditional and understanding friendship you and Bruce gave one another. May that love and friendship continue to enfold you with memories and “signs” in the days, weeks, years ahead. ♥️
Thank you, Penney, I am enjoying the “signs” whenever they appear and have many happy memories to buoy my spirits. Writing about Bruce comes easily, as my heart and thoughts are so full of him. Happy 2019 to you and yours.
Susan, I am so sorry to hear about Bruce. My heart is breaking. I send my love, hugs and prayers for you. What an awesome duo you two were.
Thanks so much for the love, hugs and prayers, Melody. You and Ken, too, are an awesome duo. Give him a hug from me, and one for you, too.
My dear friend, Susan…
Thanks for sharing this incredible tribute with us.
My heart is with you in this moment.
True love-what a blessing you were to each other.
May you find comfort in the memories you and Bruce made.
Thank you, Becky. We had a good life together and you’re right, the memories are comforting. Also the affection from the 4-legged kids. Wishing you a wonderful 2019.
What a beautiful tribute, Susan! Bruce will be so missed. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Ryan.
I am so sorry Susan for your great loss and ours too. He was definitely loved by all his family (Matleys). My dad sent me the news and it was heartbreaking. We love you and holding you up in our prayers during this sad time.
Thank you, Kat.
Oh, Susan! I am so sorry that Bruce died so suddenly. Huge sympathy to you on the loss of your love, your partner, your friend. I am glad you have the four-legged family for comfort, but oh! What a huge loss. I’m sending warm virtual hugs from Santa Fe, and keeping you in my heart.
Thank you, Susan. Your own journey after losing Richard is a true inspiration; always has been, but also incredibly relevant now. Congratulations on your recent downsizing and your continued engagement with the world. You are an excellent example to me.
Remember that the most important thing right now is to take care of yourself, and to listen to your own inner voice. It takes a while to adjust to the loss, and to learn to make decisions just for you solo, not always unconsciously making them for two… Be kind to yourself and do what feels right! Love to you…
Great guy, great talent, great friend, great couple. If all of us could have this said about us the world would would be a better place. Happy trails my friend, till we meet again.
Thank you, Susan. I sure do miss that guy!
Great guy, great friend, great husband great citizen of the universe. If that could be be said of all of us, the world would be a be a better place. Happy trails my friend, till we meet agan.
My heart is broken for you, and I thank you for this touching tribute. You are beautiful. More so for the memories of knowing how much he loved you.
Thank you, Amy.
Dear sweet Susan,
With tears in my eyes, I read your blog post. We didn’t know Bruce all that well, but do know he was kind, generous, and a real gentleman. He was enthusiastic, a talented musician, and fun to be around. We always looked forward meeting up with him (and you too) at the yearly fair. It hasn’t been the same since you both retired.
Your loss came too fast and too soon.
We wish you a lot of strength as your life continues without him. Trust that he’s watching, talk to him when you miss him so much, and find comfort in all your loving memories. Rolf and Astrid Diek
Thank you, Astrid and Rolf. It was far too fast and too soon, but we resolved to make the best of what we’d been given which helped us every step of the way.
I certainly do talk to him, all the time, and know that he’s looking out for me. The 4-legged kids are a huge comfort, too.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful 2019. Susan
Oh. Susan. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and love your way. Blessed memories sustain. Hugs to you.
Thank you, Carmen.
Susan, I was really sorry to hear about Bruce’s passing. You know that I have been a fan of your musical duo and of your individual writing. I remember attending a reading of your first book at the library and how Bruce was there right alongside you doing some of the reading. You are so very lucky to have had Bruce….but after reading your post here I can tell….you already know that. You are in my thoughts and I trust your furry kids will provide you with much comfort during this difficult time.
Thank you, Lisa. The furry kids are a comfort indeed. I’m so glad you got to hear us do the reading at the Dayton library. Bruce’s rendition of Ralph is definitely a good memory to hold on to. Happy 2019 to you and your family. I hope our paths will cross some time this new year.
Dear Susan, I am so sorry. I did meet Bruce in Walla Walla and we had a chance to talk. My heart breaks for you. What a lovely tribute this is to your husband and soul-mate. You both are such lovely people. Sending love and prayers.
I’m so glad you met Bruce, Julie. Though I miss him terribly, day-to-day life is going pretty well (and of course I talk to him all the time). The 4-legged kids are keeping me grounded. Wishing you and your family a wonderful 2019, with extra special thoughts for your daughter.
Susan –
My condolences to you on Bruce’s passing. I remember seeing the two of you perform and how wonderful you were together.
Thank you, Bickie.
With tears in my eyes, I read your blog post. We didn’t know Bruce all that well, but do know he was kind, generous, and a real gentleman. He was enthusiastic, a talented musician, and fun to be around. We always looked forward meeting up with him (and you too) at the yearly fair. It hasn’t been the same since you both retired.
Your loss came too fast and too soon.
We wish you a lot of strength as your life continues without him. Trust that he’s watching, talk to him when you miss him so much, and find comfort in all your loving memories. Rolf and Astrid Diek
Susan, I just got the sad news from Jennifer Epps this morning. My tears flowed while reading your post. You are so blessed to have known the love of someone so true! I have so many memories of being on the same stages with you both! I will forever treasure them. My supporting prayers to you and for you.♥️♥️♥️
Thank you, Sam.
Dear Susan, I am so, so sorry. Your tribute to Bruce is eye-opening and deeply moving. I remember sharing laughs with you both at the last WMA convention Amy and I attended in 2010. I know something of the depth of grief you feel, having lost Amy 6 years ago. The love you shared, and continue to share, is unconquerable. And from the resilience evident in your post, so are you. Love always, your friend Rich
Thank you, Rich. I, too, have fond memories of talking with you and Amy in 2010, and remember being staggered when I learned of her passing. The good memories keep us afloat, right? Wishing you and yours a wonderful 2019.
Destiny found a way for you and Bruce to come together. My heart aches for your loss, but also finds joy in your life together. My best to you and your furry kids. They understand in their own way and will be there to comfort you in the days ahead.
Thank you, Jon.
Susan, What a lovely and dear tribute to Bruce. I am so very sorry. To lose your best friend and so quickly must just be wrenching. Life is so precious and I know you two lived it really well. Blessings to you,
Thank you, Diana.
Susan, what a beautiful relationship you and he had/have and with all your loving animals. I never got to meet him, but you’ve shared of him beautifully and having known you, I’ve no doubt he’s a grand and wonderful soul!! Wishing you peaceful times in this transition. I love and miss you. Deb
Thank you, Deb. I wish you and Bruce could have met, you are both one in a billion. So far, the transition has been interesting and keeps my days full. It will take time, I know, to understand what this means on a day-to-day basis, but so far the 4-legged kids, talking to Bruce and feeling his presence, and having many projects on the burner is keeping me level. Miss you, too.
Dear Sis, It breaks my heart to learn that Bruce has left this world so suddenly. I loved the relationship that you two had. Thank you for telling us more about this incredibly talented and handsome man. He will live on in your words.
I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. My heart is with you and I send all my love …
Thank you, Sis.
That was wonderful Susan. Thank you.
Thank you, Senator Pipes.
Sharing your loss. Thank you for sharing. We’ll grieve with you.
Thank you, Dick.
Bruce and I were in grammar school together at Our Lady of the Snows Catholic School in Reno and then at Bishop Manogue Catholic High School in Reno. During high school he lived for awhile with my family in Reno, after his own family moved to Gardnerville. My fondest memories of my high school years involve Bruce: the youthful hijinks we engaged in (usually initiated by him and sometimes including my other mischievous friend Ashton Hawkins), and the high school band he formed—-The Daybreakers—-which included me as the untalented bass player and my younger brother David as the very talented rhythm guitar player who learned guitar from Bruce himself. I remember seeing Bruce at the end of college, when we both found ourselves at the Oakland Induction Center for pre-graduation physical exams in preparation for potential post-graduation induction into the Vietnam-War-era military. (He had arrived on a bus from Reno, and was due to graduate from the University of Nevada; I had arrived by bus from Palo Alto, and was due to graduate from Stanford.) We both were opposed to the war in Viet Nam, and we both successfully avoided the draft because of how things went that day in Oakland. I did it by having braces on my teeth (which I actually needed because of an overbite); he did it by successfully pretending to be gay, which he most definitely wasn’t (but he was a fine actor). I have indelible memories of Bruce and our times together in high school. My sincere sympathies to Susan.
Bruce had many fond memories of boy bands with you and David, and living with your family, Terry. Thanks for sharing some stories that I hadn’t heard yet. I’m acquainted with some of your teen exploits through Bruce’s stories, both spoken and written. I particularly remember “Second Story Job” about a hoped-for romantic assignation at the Suttlemeyer place (!). We had a brief and highly enjoyable visit with David and Beth (2013, I think), when on our way to a music job in Billings. I was so happy to meet them and charmed by them both. We jammed a little with David- -man, can he go on pedal steel! Please give them my love. Love to you, too, Susan
Sue, thank you for writing such a beautiful and moving tribute to Bruce, your beloved husband, best friend, and soul-mate. You are both very accomplished and have immense creative talent. Our family is blessed to have known Bruce, and we appreciate your loyal friendship, and we will cherish the good times and visits in Prescott. We are so sorry for your profound and unexpected loss. It’s comforting to know that you provided each other unconditional love and support. Our thoughts and prayers are with you always.
Thank you, Ed. Our friendship with you and your family is a blessing for us, too.
Susan, I’m so very sorry for your loss. may God bless you, and give you peace as you go through this change in your life.
Thank you, Don.
Oh Susan, I am heartbroken to hear this news. I am sure your head is both spinning and at times completely foggy. Treat yourself gently in the coming days and months.
Love, Su and Jim
Thank you, Su and Jim. I hope our paths cross some time in 2019.
I’m so sorry, Sue and saddened to hear this news. What a beautiful tribute. Many positive thoughts coming your way.
Thank you, Jim.
“Little Sis”, I just found out that Bruce passed away. My heart is hurting for you. Your blog above has such vivid and wonderful memories of him; you honored him so well with your gift of Wordsmithing. You are in my heart. Love always, “Big Sis”, Susie
Thank you, my beloved “Big Sis”!
What a beautiful tribute. I could see and feel the love in every word. Memories will be strong forever. My love and prayers
Thank you, Roylene.
When I think of Bruce the word “gentleman” comes to mind. He truly was a gentleman in every respect. He was kind, courteous, intelligent and had a special soft spot for animals. Everything he did, he did well.
I was always impressed with his shows. He would give a little background or insight to the song or the performer. It was enough to be informative and interesting but he also had balance and knew when to stop the stories and launch into a song.
Bruce is the kind of person that will be missed by many. Happy Trails, dear Bruce
Thank you, Catherine. Bruce would be touched by your kind words. I am, too.
My prayers go out to you! Many great memories of you both during the Columbia River Cowboy Gathering. Such a beautiful life story.
Thank you, Tammi.
I was so devastated to hear about Bruce but your beautiful tribute to him brought smiles and well as tears. All of your friends at IWMA are mourning with you.
Thank you, Marsha.
Susan…so sorry to learn of Bruce’s passing…another big loss in our Western Music family and such a sweet story of how your lives came together thru music. My absence from the mainland over the last 10 years has kept me away from the majority of the WMA gatherings, but I had the opportunity to see the two of you perform the last time I was there and I remember how apparent it was that you both really loved making music together, and loved each other. I am so very sorry for your loss of your husband, your music partner, your soul mate. May you be comforted with the memories of all the years you shared bringing joy to other peoples lives with your talents. Your words are a very touching tribute, allowing us all to get to know him a little better of his life away from the stage. Sending warm aloha to you as you find your way to new beginnings with his spirit deeply embedded in your soul for strength.
Thank you, Patty.
Susan, what a beautiful tribute to a man you truly loved and admired! I am so sorry for your loss! It sounds like you had an amazing journey together. May you find peace in the beautiful memories you have together and the people who love you! God bless you now and forever!
Thank you, Karen.
Wow, Susan. Heartfelt condolences for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your love and life together. Your shared thoughts are truly an inspiration. I hope your memories bring you peace and solace during this difficult time. Hugs to you.
Thank you, Joyce.
Susan, I just heard today about your loss of Bruce. I was so saddened to hear this. You guys have been such a fun duo. I can’t imagine how painful it is to lose him. Your blog is really sweet and such a fine tribute to a wonderful man. God bless you as you adjust to what the future holds. Bruce will be sorely missed by us all.
Thank you, Marvin.
Susan; what a lovely tribute to a lovely man. Nels and I were always drawn to you and Bruce and had some great times together. We were appreciative of your kindness when I first appeared on the scene. Bruce had great knowledge of music and was a very good guitar player that I looked up to. It was a privilege to know both of you. Keep in touch. Love, Nels and Barbara Nelson
Thanks, you two. Hope we can meet up some time in 2019.
You have my sincerist condolences. Bruce and I were very good friends at UNR and he was one of the reasons I became an actor. Bruce inspired me and I lived by his philosophy of theatre my whole life. I look forward to working with him again as I know a little thing like death won’t stop him. Thank you for that lovely tribute. Bruce obviously found a treasure in you.
Thank you, David. I, too, look forward to all the great theatre to come. Bruce was one in a billion.
Susan, I just found this news. I am deeply sorry for your loss. You clearly found and celebrate here the love of your life, and I send heartfelt thanks with you for that reality. I also surround you with my prayers as you negotiate Bruce’s change and absence, and as you move forward with him ever in your heart.
Writing with support from my heart to yours,
Kelly (K. Lyn Wurth)
Thank you, Kelly.
Dear Susan–I went to UNR with Bruce and David Combs. You describe Bruce so perfectly! (I didn’t learn of his death until this week.) Thank you for your beautiful writing remembering my old friend.
Jackie Leonard
Thank you for your kind remembrance of Bruce, Jackie.